Far Away
by Elizabeth Perry
Summary: OneShot. Pre 4x14. All Naley and their reactions after the infamous 'tape' comes out. Angsty, no happy ending here.


A/N: Have you ever just felt disgusted with your shows and write a whole bunch to rid your mind of some of things you've seen? Well this is what happened here. It's not really happy and cute but I think after reading it, it can't really be happy and cute. It's a one-shot so let me know your thoughts.

Note: In light of the recent promo and the writing that we've received this season, I decided to write a one-shot centering on the events of the next episode. This is by no means spoilers since I haven't seen the episode and only can guess what I see from the episode description. It's a one-shot.

Setting: Takes place during the next episode, 4x14.

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Haley had asked Skills to take her home. She wouldn't meet my eyes; her body had seemed to turn in on itself and every time I tried to talk to her Skills would stand in front of her with a dangerous glint in his eye. He put his arm, his _arm_ around my wife and escorted her out of the door protecting her body from my face. I stood helplessly as I watched him help her in the car and drive off. I exhale softly and turn around to see Lucas looking at me with a disappointed glare in his eye.

I'm not in the mood, I know I was wrong. I know I hurt people by my actions but no one was seeming to understand that my wife, the woman who would soon be the mother of my child had left because she couldn't stand to be in my presence another moment. That had me gasping for breath as my heart threatened to erupt from my chest.

I'm jerked out of my own thoughts as Brooke appears at my side and yanks me outside to talk, "Why the hell did you tape that?"

I yank my arm back and close my eyes, "Can we just call it another screw-up of Nathan Scott and leave it at that?" She doesn't have a right to be angry it wasn't her wife that looked at her like she was the worst human being on the planet. I had that look embedded in my brain and nothing was going to erase that look from my memory.

Brooke glares at me and said, "Not just another screw-up Nate, Haley was hurt, Peyton was hurt."

I shake my head in disgust, "And me Brooke? You don't think I don't know that I hurt everyone by my actions? You think I don't understand that I'm always screwing up while Haley is struggling to stand by my side?"

A throat clears and I turn around and Lucas looks at Nathan refusing to make eye contact with Brooke as he turns to me and says, "I'm taking Peyton home."

I nod because truthfully, what else can I do? "Tell her, I'm sorry. I know we haven't been together in awhile but it still was wrong and I'm sorry she was hurt by my actions."

Lucas nodded and said, "Haley is going to be okay. I'm going to go see her after I drop off Peyton at the house."

I shake my head and said, "No Luke. I need to talk to her alone and if you're there she won't want to talk about it. I don't know what's going to happen tonight. But, I know that we need to confront it together."  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
"Haley what do you think you're doing?"

I stop in my frantic reach for all my clothes and look at my friend, Skills who I've only recently reconnected with as I swipe the angry tears away from my cheeks and turn on him, "What do you think that I'm doing Skills? He lied to me again. Again, damn it! I'm pregnant with his son, and after every turn it seems, I'm being confronted with more and more of his actions and I'm tired Skills. I'm just so tired." I perch on the edge of our bed and look up at him with tears brimming in my eyes. I watch as Skills goes into the bathroom and retrieves some tissue and presses it into my hand and leans against the bathroom door, "Haley, Nathan screwed up."

I glare at him after I finish blowing my nose rather loudly and said, "You think?"

Skills rolls his eyes and said, "Don't you want to talk to him? He made a mistake, a stupid ass mistake. Again. But he's your husband and the father of your child."

I shake my head and say, "That's just it Skills. He's my husband and he's about to be a father to my son and that tape is another reason I should go. He treats women like they are objects; toys and I don't want my son to be raised with that concept. I have to go."

Skills sighs and leans forward, "Haley, that was years ago. That was a different Nathan, another time. Another man."

I grunt as I recline on my bed with my arms crossed over my slowly expanding belly, "Another time? Another Nathan? Fine, let's say I prescribe to that theory. Why the hell didn't he get rid of that tape or at least tell me about it? Why the hell do I have to find out about everything after the fact Skills? I'm just so tired of being in this marriage alone."

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I was sitting in my car staring at my apartment and waiting. I don't know what I was waiting on, but I was waiting. I was wrong I knew it but I was in love with my wife and I didn't want her to hurt anymore or ever see that look in her eyes again. I was currently listening to her song, hoping it would give me the strength to go inside and face her anger and disappointment.

_I never promised you a ray of light,  
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,  
I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.  
Why do you put me on a pedestal,  
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,  
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.  
_  
As I listen to the words, I absorb the truth in them. I had given her more bad than good and she still looked at me with that love and that trust in her eyes. But tonight, tonight I saw a different Haley. She looked broken; she looked like she was afraid that she couldn't handle another disappointment from me. I couldn't handle losing her so I felt like we were even. If she was afraid, then I was terrified because I didn't know how to stop hurting her and if I lost her I didn't think I could survive.

_One thing is clear,  
I wear a halo,  
I wear a halo when you look at me,  
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so  
you wouldn't say so, if you were me  
And I, I just wanna love you,  
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you _

I had always felt ten feet tall when she looked at me, with that love and trust in her eyes. Even after knowing the kind of SOB, I had been before she just loved me. Loved me. Screw-up Nathan Scott. She had always put me above everyone else and I constantly continued to hurt her and I had to stop because one thing was clear, I couldn't live without her.

_I always said that I would make mistakes,  
I'm only human, and that's my saving grace,  
I fall as hard as I try  
So don't be blinded  
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,  
so pull me from that pedestal,  
I don't belong there. _

I had sinned, and maybe it was one too many times for her. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as I reveled in self-pity. I was a sinner, that was something I had never denied and something she certainly hadn't overlooked but the problem was that she kept on overlooking, kept on loving and what did I do? I keep on sinning.  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

He glares at me as I enter the house. He's hovering over her bedside as he watches her sleep or at least pretend to sleep, sniffling every other minute. "How is she?"

Skills grimaces at me and motions for me to leave the room, "What the hell is the matter with you Nate? You know she doesn't need anymore stress and you do the opposite, when will you get it dawg?"

I flinch at the anger in his tone, "I'm sorry Skills. I'm sorry I hurt Haley, I'm sorry I hurt her again. I can only apologize."

"I think you can do more than that."

My heart stops as I look up as Haley leans against the wall and stares at me with fury in her eyes. I notice that she had obviously been crying because the track of her dried tears is still obvious on her face. Skills look between the two of us, trying to decide where to leave or stay and after apparently making a decision kisses Haley on the forehead and leaves.

I stare at her and hope that she can feel the love that's emanating from me, "I'm sorry Haley. It doesn't seem like much but I am."

Haley exhales softly and closes her eyes and then opens them and stares at me, "You're always sorry aren't you Nate? You get involved with Daunte and almost get me and your child killed and you're sorry. You have sex with Brooke obviously while you're dating Peyton if her reaction was any indication and then you have the nerve to tape it. As if that wasn't enough, you keep the tape. You keep the tape and now all of Tree Hill knows what a whore you are."

I flinch at the anger in her tone as she turns away and I speak up from behind her, "Always and forever." This is the mantra that I always use when I know that I'm wrong but I know that forgiveness has to come because we pledged our lives to each other.

She turns around and sighs in disgust, "It's so convenient for you isn't it? You always pull out that phrase when things are slipping between us and hope that will be your safeguard. What that phrase used to mean to me, was that I was safe wherever you were. That I was whole if you were by my side but now whenever you do wrong you hold up like a sign that I can't leave you. I don't even know what always and forever means with you anymore."

I feel the tears well in my eyes as I say, "I don't know how to live my life without you Haley. I'm an ass, I'm a screw-up, but this is who I am. And I know I know I shouldn't have gotten involved with Daunte, I know I shouldn't have cheated on Peyton with her best friend and then tape it. I know I shouldn't have done any of the things that I do but it's done and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I feel my knees weakening as I sink to the floor in front of her, hoping that I can beg her forgiveness. She looks at me with tears in her eyes, "I love you Nathan, I'm always going to love you, but right now, I really don't like you. I need time, Nathan just give me time."

She pulls away and as I watch her go, I feel the helplessness threatening to choke me but she turns around and meets my eyes, "Are you coming to bed?"

I exhale on a sharp breath and nod. She walks in the room and pulls down the covers and gets in the bed and is waiting to face me when I finally slide under the covers next to her. "Nathan, good night," after saying that she turned her back to me and curled into a ball with her arms protecting our child. Our child, the one that I had let down as well tonight. I didn't know how to go on from here, not without her by my side.

I want to pull her in my arms but I'm afraid that if I try, she'll pull away so I rest my arms on my chest and try to close my eyes. She hadn't forgiven me; she hadn't said that everything was going to be alright. She did say that she still loved me, and for now, that had to be enough. She was here and not far away from my side like she could've been. I just had to be patient.

* * *

I know, no happy ending but unfortunately they are going to write one on the show, one I'll have to stomach but  
I think in reality it will be too much and I won't watch so I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks, EP. 


End file.
